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延续上周五关于情商的话题，有读者问，既然EQ如此重要，问题来了，我们该如何提升自己的情商呢？小编采集了国外知名网站的一篇研究文章，通俗易懂，也行对你有些启发和帮助。

　　“When our emotional health is in a bad state, so is our level of self-esteem. We have to slow down and deal with what is troubling us, so that we can enjoy the simple joy of being happy and at peace with ourselves.”

　　― Jess Scott

　　Emotional Intelligence (EQ or EI) can be defined as the ability to understand, manage, and effectively express one's own feelings, as well as engage and navigate successfully with those of others.

　　According to Talent Smart, 90% of high performers at the work place possess high EQ, while 80% of low performers have low EQ.Emotional Intelligence is absolutely essential in the formation, development, maintenance, and enhancement of close personal relationships. Unlike IQ, which does not change significantly over a lifetime, our EQ can evolve and increase with our desire to learn and grow.

　　Below are six keys to increasing your emotional intelligence:

　　1

　　The Ability to Reduce Negative Emotions

　　减少消极情绪的能力

　　Perhaps no aspect of EQ is more important than our ability to effectively manage our own negative emotions, so they don't overwhelm us and affect our judgment. In order to change the way we feel about a situation, we must first change the way we think about it. Here are just two examples:

　　1

　　Reducing Negative Personalization. 减少消极的把问题个人化

　　When you feel adversely about someone's behavior, avoid jumping to a negative conclusion right away. Instead, come up with multiple ways of viewing the situation before reacting.

　　For example, I may be tempted to think my friend didn't return my call because she's ignoring me, or I can consider the possibility that she's been very busy. When we avoid personalizing other people's behaviors, we can perceive their expressions more objectively. People do what they do because of them more than because of us. Widening our perspective can reduce the possibility of misunderstanding. (放宽我们的视角能降低误解产生的可能性）

　　2

　　Reducing the Fear of Rejection. 降低对被拒绝的恐惧

　　One effective way to manage your fear of rejection is to provide yourself with multiple optionsin important situations, so that no matter what happens, you have strong alternatives going forward. Avoid putting all of your eggs in one basket (emotionally) by identifying a viable Plan B, and also a Plan C, should Plan A not work out.For example:

　　Increased fear of rejection: “I'm applying for my dream job. I'll be devastated if they don't hire me.”

　　Decreased fear of rejection: “I'm applying for three exciting positions. If one doesn't pan out（成功）, there are two more I'm well qualified for.”

　　2

　　The Ability to Stay Cool and Manage Stress

　　保持冷静，管理压力的能力

　　Most of us experience some level of stress in life. How we handle stressful situations can make the difference between being assertive versus reactive, and poised versus frazzled. When under pressure, the most important thing to keep in mind is to keep our cool. Here are two quick tips:

　　1

　　If you feel nervous and anxious, put cold water on your face and get some fresh air. 当感觉焦虑紧张时，可以洗个冷水脸，呼吸新鲜空气。

　　Cool temperature can help reduce our anxiety level. Avoid caffeinated beverages（避免含有咖啡因的饮料）which can stimulate your nervousness.

　　2

　　If you feel fearful, depressed, or discouraged, try intense aerobic exercises. Energize yourself. 当感觉害怕、抑郁或受挫时，尝试剧烈的有氧运动，让自己活力四射。

　　The way we use our body affects greatly the way we feel. As the saying goes - motion dictates emotion. As you experience the vitality（活力）of your body, your confidence will also grow.

　　3

　　The Ability to Be Assertive and Express Difficult Emotions When Necessary

　　决断力，以及必要时能表达复杂情感的能力

　　"Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship."

　　― Harriet Lerner

　　There are times in all of our lives when it's important to set our boundaries appropriately（合理地设定界限）, so people know where we stand. These can include exercising our right to disagree (without being disagreeable), saying "no" without feeling guilty, setting our own priorities, getting what we paid for, and protecting ourselves from duress and harm.

　　One method to consider when needing to express difficult emotions is the XYZ technique - I feel X when you do Y in situation Z.Here are some examples:

　　"I feel strongly that I should receive recognition from the company based on my contributions."

　　"I feel uncomfortable that you expect me to help you over my own priorities."

　　"I feel disappointed when you didn't follow through when you told me you would."

　　Avoid using sentences that begin with "you" and followed by accusation or judgment, such as "you are...," "you should...," or "you need to...." "You" language followed by such directives put the listener on the defensive, and make them less likely to be open to what you have to say.（以这些指令开头的语言会让听者处于防守地位，从而不太愿意对你说的话敞开心扉。）

　　点击下面链接 查看历史文章

　　友自我管理| 情商的重要性

　　职场｜工作中高情商的人长什么样？

　　如何估算自己的情商？

　　Why You Need Emotional Intelligence

　　管理| 魅力型领袖的自我修养

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